8.4.17

THE GIRL WHO CRIED..

 I was knowing that was divine. An auspicious mix between the exudates of her mom and dad. The venue is a cavity about ten centimeter. Now i could see some threads , where untwining, segregating  independently and rejoined at last, i think they used to call them as chromosomes. Anyway , some beautiful threads among them which are ready to define her gender are visible like similar ones. How sweat you honey,,, ...... You will be the most beautiful girl on earth. i prayed out unknowingly with a gasp.                        

Image result for induced abortionOne of my challenging task on her is completed by myself with at most care. May be i being called as her father and mother but actually and absolutely not. May be they will guide her to me by pointing upon a church, temple or a mosque till she knows i am , the origin and annihilation built with all the wealth of infinite.                        

I went close to her and whispered as previous." Hey sweety, am sending you to the earth. - the actual heaven where i made people who can make you smile. Some of them will be more close to you as your family. Someone will complement you on time  and you will get paired up. Then i will again send others to love you and to look after you in your old age after your absolute union with that someone". After listening to my whisper, she took her ears off from me and went for getting nourishment from her mother.                        

WHAT.....???? Whats happening??? I listened carefully by getting into her soul. Now i can hear some  doctors voice from outside.  OHHHHH... Jerk off... Something is coming to her, clipped on her and i suddenly withdrew myself from her body after  for seeing longer.                        
 Surgical equipments directed by well- educated doctors are playing their role systematically and mechanically. How damn??? They are striking her, squeezing her and about to kill her. She cried , cried, and cried,and asked " Hi, mom; why are you simply obeying to kill me?  s there anything wrong with me?? I ma also beautiful like you,  please mom.... Give me a chance to love you. Don't you wanna know how much i have waited to sleep on your  side??? How dare you can eject out your breast milk simply without my affectionate lips??? please mom,, please,, allow me to live....                        
 "Hi dad... Three months i have waited to breath the same air as yours.. The first lesson of music i want to learn is your rhythmical heart beat by lying beside , keeping ears close to your warmed bare chest.. Don't you have the tender affection to kiss me??? Don't you wanna feel my love??? Please dad; don't kill me....... "                        
 "Hey... you;my family. i know ,you are so tired by searching one good name for me.. Don't you wanna play with me.. ??? I can't imagine the forthcoming festival-spots without you. Haven't you brought a toy-shop for me??  please... please.... Help me out safely..... "                        
: "Hi, the holy mother, earth.. How stupid you are??? Will you hate to have my footprints on you???                        
 Hmmmmmm..... aaahhhhhh...... There is dark now... having no reason.....                        
 I can see the spark ; which changed as  a flame. and washes way the darkness. she appeared with her childish smile by hiding her tears and sorrows. the only thing i can tell her that is SORRY. Then what else i can??? How should i face her??? What should i tell her??                        
NOTHING....                        

I just hold her hands with my flooded eyes, and embraced  her with all the affectionate feelings in this world and said " Sorry dear; you are mine. and i do promise that i will not give you to anyone; Some things are better left forgotten right????

31.3.17

THERE WAS NO ONE TO TELL HIM THAT HE CANT..

 People say writing is a lonely business.. but I think they all lie... writing is actually more than a canvas of a huge crowd. So when I touched my keypad, I asked myself.."why the hell I write..... """
But I got to know the fact that we all write because we feel something..

It doesn't matter how literate you are , how educated you are...if we can obey our feelings , we all can become writers.. I think so...and I feel it..

When I threw my sight through my window, I could see two boys , who were playing upon the ice floor.. its winter here, the time to play through-ball with ice cakes..
But thy were actually doing something else... I watched them closely, and enjoyed off being nostalgic at myself..

Abruptly, one boy disappeared...😳😳

What happened??🤔 I searched and zoomed my eyes into no wheree  except the periphery... but I couldn't see the boy, but only a crying friend of him captured my stare.. He cries for help, but didn't get anyone.. I should have gone thr to search his friend, but my paralytic limb offered a kind of resistance to my willls and wishes as I tried to twist mywheel chairr...😝😝

 Then, I saw an admirable incident.. I was heavily surprised to see the masculinity of that typing boy to break a thick branch of a pine tree and patted in the ice floor.. as the ice floor broke and parted away, I happily see the other boys hand from inside... it was quit dramatic and thrilling . But I was actually thinking " how can a boy of such a younger age could break that branch.. even the adults used to axe it for sizing...so how can he?? Is he magical??? A super human ???? 😇😇😇

I felt totally puzzled..but later I came to know the fact...

The boy was really younger than I thought.  He was not much masculine.. he dont have any magical powers.... but the matter of fact is THERE WAS NO ONE THERE TO TELL HIM THAT HE CANT BREAK THE BRANCH....😊😊😊

21.3.17

ITS JUST......

Hey friends..... for a long time , i didn't post anything in particular. I was totally out of my normal pitch and i lost my rhythm somewhere... But a couple of days before , when i was watching sherlock series on bbc, i got to know that "work is the best antidote for pain" So i decided to work as fast, as good as, and as smart as i can to keep myself away from sorrows.. I wish to write more ...i wish play.... i wish to read, and write.....So, this blog is just a start...

Actually , i don't have anything in my mind to write here. I simply sit in front of my pc and just typing.... You may (definitely) think what the hell i am doing... But if you had faced such a situation like me,,, you might have understood every stimulus trespassing my nerves..

Mmmmm...... I don't have anything to tell you... except a sorry for not publishing anything for the last few months... I know i am not at all a writer.. and i know that you are not at all curiously waiting for my next blogs. But i do feel myself as a writer, deep inside me, and that plunges my thoughts to write a sorry, respecting a hypothetically created genius inside me that yet to come up.......

12.2.16

CRIED OFF BEEN NOSTALGIC..

Though he describes , deject and debates on ayurvedic daily regimens , he personally shows his defiance to it. His punctuality so invites skepticism. May be he is ahead of normal daylight system. But he was prompt in doing his responsibilities.
So,, how do I start.???? To tell a story seems like searching for a grain from rocks. I think I should obey the time line down my memory lane. But I am not rubbing what I wrote about him above.
The story starts at few distances away from the main plot. At her home in 111 street, scarlet finished her dinner. She stares at some pillow-thick medical texts as she felt profuse sweating. Her body was convulsive and her eyes got swollen.. Felled on the ground she yelled and took a parchment from her valet and dialed for the name Dr.sloka. Her wrecking brain-functions ultimately results into a complete blackout as the phone receiver simply hung down.
The very next day, Dr.sloka under his semi-sleep got his morning coffee from his asistent Dr.Manthra. They both works on the same hospital own by himself where sloka is a rare guest.  "Good morning sir.. woke up. You are far ahead than normal wake up time." She smiled by insisting the word brahmamuhoortha.. Sqeeazing the eye lids like an act of visual adjustment , Dr.Sloka said “ what if  I have travelled on air from the other side of earth where sun set when I have started and reached here two hours before? What matters is life style, if it change thus everything . No one might have travelled like this when and before your text was commisioned neverthles,, thanks for your coffee dear..” Getting up from the bed he smacked on coffee and wentout . As he examined his scaffoldings , to see his own news from the newspaper, he saw his first patient named scarlet. Though she was lean and hungry looks, was trying to be energetic.
Sloka invited her to his consulting room and heard about her illness attentively. Sir," I am healthy but feeling  a sort of discomfort. With her anxious eyes she added, “ I am having some kind of hearing problems, I don’t have proper hunger as I feel bad on looking at food. It makes a tendency to vomit. I often feel chest pain on walking and headache usually."Lightening a cute smile, she narrated a story of her head ache like a chld and eventually cried off been nostalgic. She also complained about her recurrent fever as she shrugged her shoulder repeatedly . Her communication was resourceful; But not pointing to a particular diagnosis. Dr.Sloka asked manthra for an opinion as she was taking all the data systematically like a journalist who records a politicians speech. Manthra grouped  the signs and symptoms according to the bodily systems and extenuated a puzzled gesture. “ sir, its not Digetsive , its not strictly cardiac nor respiratory ……..” Dr.Sloka forced to stop her and asked Scarlet for medical reports if any..She gave an envelope of reports seemingly from her childhood till her present age of 35. After going through each report, sloka told her to wait for him at 8 o clock night in her own residence. ‘ Sir don’t you have  anything to give me??” scarlet asked for prescription.  “ no, I will give you when I come to your home today”.  Sloka excused and gave her a box of chocloates.She felt so happy receiving chocolates from a doctor al though she was diabetic. “will you eat all these?” Sloka sked.”  “No sir, I can give it to my friend crystal. She is my paying guest, is a doctor. “ I know, she can eat enogh chocolates as she is not diabetic at her age 35.” Sloka replied.
Amased by his reply scarlet asked how sloka knew about Crestal and even her age. “ nothing madam its not my intelligence. You had mistakenly kept her medical reports too within this envelope from which I noticed her name and age”

The consultaion lasts with chocolates as they all contributed their part to an official smile to disperse.When scarlet stepped out, curious manthra asked for the diagnosis. Throwing his mind deep into the thoughts, he told manthra to wait till they finish their dinner from scarlets home. He instructed manthra to trace a phone number that he already traced. It shocked her when she came to know that it's of scarlet.

111 street was very wake full at 8 o clock night. Dr.sloka and manthra  tapped on scarlets door as it opened punctually. Scarlet invited both of them directly to the dining table on which everything was  well arranged extravagantly like a lavish banquet. "Supper turns dinner if it's light. But you totally disobeyed the definitions madam." Sloka went humorous as manthra stood expressionless.

Finishing the dinner that stimulated each and every taste buds, Dr.Sloka seeks permission from scarlet to see her personal room. Scarlet showed her room but it appears to be a library of medical books that seems absurd. Breaking her pursed lips manthra asked " Where is CRESTAL"
"Who... ohhh... crystal.. my friend.. She may reach Here at night probably when I slept. She works in a near aside hospital." Scarlet replied reliably.
"Are all these books own by crestal??" Sloka asked to scarlet. "Yes sir. She don't have a bookshelf in her room . That's why.."
Having a wave of intelligence manthra questioned Dr.Sloka whether he didn't notice the information board at the gate where it's written Dr. Crestal. Mbbs.
"Yes...I do.. But..." Sloka confused.."Sir you might have unnoticed her consultation room in this home. That's why" manthra tried to console sloka if he appreciated her interruption as a disrespect. "Yes I do... But.."Sloka again gave a puzzled look. They both share something strange and together called out loud "scarlet...????"

At room aside, probably hired by crestal, scarlet was lying unconsciously. Manthra was so anxious and tensed but sloka remains absolutely normal. He checked her vital signs and wrote "meet me on morning'..Dr.sloka". Keeping the chart glued on the t.v screen, they both left the house but hide on a window side to watch scarlet.
After few minutes , scarlet woke up from fainting and wiped her sweats as she wore a lengthy apron of crestal to have a sense of comfort. Dr.manthra stepped back to the main door to assure primary medical attention to the fainted scarlet, but sloka refused as they both started back to their own apartment. On the way back , curious manthra though she was agitated on slokas decision to leave scarlet in a medical emergency, she asked "what happened ..what's this??? How can you ignore such a patient?? Are you mad???"
Hearing all such questions Sloka replied"yes.. But I am not"

The vistas of logical reasoning to diagnosis back ten years .. Sloka started "scarlet had told us a brief story of her head ache ,a kind of psychic intervention as her parents could not fund her to study medical science. It all restricted her passion and she was well challenged emotionally. She better tried to remember all this as an episode of head ache. You remember when she cried on it been nostalgic when she consulted us today.
Manthra, you have very well cross-checked all her signs and symptoms. But couldn't  find any system wise involvement as all of these were coupled , intermixed and complicated. She feels anorexia, nausea, but not digestive the cause is. She feels chest pain and exhaustion on walking but they have no cardiac nor respiratory etiology. From the time I saw her, she was week but trying to express herself as energetic. Though it's a Normal tendency of some patients to behave like that, she said she is healthy but having some diseases. She first smiled for explaining headache and then cried for the same. She shrugs her shoulder repeatedly and waving her sights with her anxious eyes. All these signs can clearly be seen on the explanation given for premonitory signs for vatika unmaada..

Dr.manthra with unsatisfactory mind asked again" still you said it's premonitary. Then what's the diagnosis???"
Sloka smiled and said" . When you are lost, you should find a way out or else you should make one. Our science allows to do so. As such a tenacities can present anything in a complicated way, we have to have a mainstay of poorvaroopas than the roopas. From the promontory signs itself, we have to infer (anumaana) the disease such that roopas can be unpredictable sometimes. See  though the night rain have etiology of cloud, it can be predicted from highly humid day time. Even if you cannot see clouds at night, starless sky signals the same let aside the fact that Stars don't have any etiological significance directly to effect rain. We are normally diagnosing the disease from its roopas  But in such a case like this, we have to rule out roopas too from poorvaroopas to diagnose rogas.
"So we have the diagnosis right?? Manthra smiled and asked " then why you told me that we  don't??"
Dr.sloka deaccelerated the car to stop and asked "where is crestal?? Can't she prescribe anything to her house owner??"He opened a bottle of water and poured it to his mouth and offered to manthra.
She thought of crestal but she couldn't ask anything to him except drinking some water.

Sloka took the lead again and said " you criticized my brain when we stepped out from the scarlets  residence. It's not me, not crestal ,not you is mad. It's scarlet. But I couldn't say much about crestal because she is just an impostor. Yes ... It's a case of dual personality. Her brain created her own variant named crestal. But it always be left something related in such cases. Here It's the name itself. CRESTAL is actually an anagram of alphabets from the word SCARLET..

"Are you telling me an imaginary story?? How could you frame all these???"Dr. Manthra doubtfuly interrogated. He reasonably replied" I have already told you the interpretation of poorvaroopas.that's just a philosophical exercise but when I analysed her medical reports I have seen some reports of Crestal. As my provisional diagnosis compelled me to search for the cause of her insanity, I considered her past and present. From the past, I knew that she was very passionate on medical profession. The passion captured her brain but couldn't find its realization. It exists within even after an episode of psychic perversions which she collectively grouped as head ache.
To know the present issues if any, I have traced the character of crestal and found that such person is not working in hospitals near aside, and no one has ever seen such a person. From both past and present I ruled out the fact that crestal is just an impostor developed by her own brain to satisfy its passion. She bought books, apron and even designed a consultation room. Her passionate implies
Impulses.
Manthras mind twinned with so much more nervous interconnections.
She asked excitedly."Yes I do believe. Then tell me how could you know that it's at 9 o clock crestal wakes up from within."
Dr.sloka mentioned manthras role to trace the anonymous call at 9 o clock. When she used to faint and wake as Crestsl. But missed call was not enough to fix depose that possibility. So I planned to watch the transition directly by telling her to arrange the dinner.
"Sir then satisfy Me by answering about glucose level. Scarlet is diabetic but crestal is not. I could understand the personality transition but it's happening within the same physique right?? So how can have the possibility of mismatched glucose level." Sharpening her ears, manthra asked..
Dr.sloka accepted the question interestingly and said "it doesn't matter what all diseases we have and what all signs it presents. What really matters is brain. I hope you know that insulin and glucagon secretions are in-turn monitored by brain. These hormones can influence the glucose level within minutes from its normalcy. Her brain does so because she was not diabetic when her passion captured her brain with a psychic shock. It  tries to make herself feel that it's she  excelled in medical profession. But it changed the name to crestal to have this medical professional hidden  away from the society. By waking up at night with an anagramic name crestal ,keeping the consultation timing on the notice board only after 9 o clock, these are just a away of escapism.Her brain does all these to keep the personality of crestal alive without being caught by the public."

Manthra felt suffocated with thoughts. Driving few more miles they reached their apartment. Before going to bed she asked "sir, how could you know the days of transition. Is it happening daily?? Feeling his heavy stomach Dr.sloka replied " I don't know. We shall have to take dinner few more times until we observe the transition to fix our diagnosis. They smiled as sloka walked away to his bed room. Running after him manthra curiously asked for his prescription. By keeping the door opened narrowly enough to see his face he said " Read on.....watch me next day.."

2.12.15

INBREEDING DEPRESSION.

I couldn’t see everything. Heavy raindrops refracted the light rays away, which brought a cloudy mask over my vision.  Blond streams of light from a near aside street lamp made the droplets golden. Though there is rain, i felt a sense of silence and realized that silence is a highly subjective phenomenon.

Decades seemed flashes on my mind as it can transcend through time more easily. The journey of my mind gets adapted to the chills on my nerves induced by the cool breeze. I don’t know how far i stood there, but i gradually came to reality when the clouds were all squeezed away.

Am i happy or sad??? What matters is what we believe.  So I preferred to believe that I am simply emotionless. I wish to have the presence of my wife beside me. For all these days, I never missed her much because she gave all her soul to her daughter before she left me. I was leaving through her words with our beautiful daughter..

My wife always used to tell me “life is too short...” I couldn’t realize her completely on that. But she proved her statement when she has gone out of this world very early. I still remember when we decided to leave our life together. I still remember the days when I stopped calling myself an orphan. I can’t forget the day she gave me a girl child just before she closed her eyes forever.

Now, when the decades roll down, I found my wife through our daughter. She keeps saying the same words that she is mature enough and no more a child. That’s a strange sentence and a difficult fact for a father to hear and believe. She too proved that she is rightfully mature, may be that the same reason I could see her more colourfully... but she too left me so unceremoniously.
I don’t know whether I am running out from her or not. But I chose to believe that she was running away from me.

Deep inside a bunch of shrubs, I hide myself as an ambulance carrying my daughter’s lifeless body passed aside me .And without crossing my fingers, I prayed for not getting any evidences of me on the dark shades of challenges against her virginity..  


26.10.15

WHITE SHADES...

Far beyond the shades of long green trees, she was walking by counting the beeds of rosary. Cursed and curved on the test of time, striated face and white shades of hair procliams her old age. Her dried cheecks and its creases invited tears from sunken eyes. It drained out as if her heart pumps tears with every elevated beats of agony.Shivering has turned into a normal physiology now....
                                    
                                   Miles away, well trained surgeons occluded a body which has only traces of life and expectancy. Is it waiting for somebpody else to come?? But purposeless waiting recalled the past deeds that god even failed to restrict the uncontrolled multiplication of his pulmunory units of life. It all smoked away the abilty to breath, to live...
                                   This is the best place . The place where every human will be treated equally regardless of what they are. The same place where everybody pray to god down from the heart. But its neither temple, church, nor a mosque.. but a hospital.
                              
                                  The old lady got into, and saw only a circle of surgeons on a screen. Though operating ones life, they seemed strainless and simple.Experience might have made such situations habitual to them. Stood at still and getting cold, she glued her eyes to the screen. Her Sunken eyes turn swollen and tearless. From no where, a deep sense of cold made her to see some red lights. It was blinking as if god is grimacing at her. She starred on it without allowing her eye lashes to touch each other. Surgeons were hurry seeking help from some instruments. Suddenly, but silently, she could hear some whispers that speaks " sorry .. sorry that i could not allow my addictions to keep anything else to give you. am going, let me........"
 Swollen eyes again flushed out as it got a severe puncture. It flowed down as surgeoons disperesed and left the body lifeless.

Wiping her tears with a gasp, she stepped out. Squeezed some petals of red roses, she threw it away and said " once i loved you so much... "

4.5.15

A BED TIME STORY


Sleep. We all do it, with our eyes closed, lying on a bed. But I just thought of someone who does more with it. Those who work on it. Those who spent more with it than sleeping. Their eyes may be closed occasionally. They may sweat, weep, cry, in fact they finds their breads from it.. Those who are named by the society as prostitutes.
I decided to go after them. It was my job because I am a journalist. That’s what I chose to be.
 I hate this profession even though I was so thrilled and cherished for it until I realized that I am just a property of someone. Now I think the business of journalism is to hide and destroy the truth.  My company pays me for not expressing my thoughts, actually I may be kicked out off the job if I obey my mind and express it through word. What I need to do here is to sit and obey. Yes. I prefer to call myself as an intellectual prostitute.
                                        I traced and found some one for my story. She was beautiful, energetic, and appears to be young. I had not to go for a night club nor to the other sin cities to satisfy my need. I just got her from the roadside. We both smiled at each other. She was so passionately looking at me as if we both knew each other ages before. I think her boot-heels were higher than my standard. Yes. She gained my attention, but not respect.
We suddenly became friends. I don’t know if I call her as my friend is right or wrong??? She seems more familiar and communicative. But I did not ask about her history because I was hesitant to hear the same stories of disrupted wedlock, fake boyfriend, rape, or may be other predictable fables.
                        Walking on streets, she told me more about myself. How could she know all this? She was well known about my job, professional ethics, academics and some of my qualities that are even forgetful for me. I was totally surprised. Is it my fame? Or unpopularity? I was describing by a prostitute to whom I did not meet before. Honestly, I didn’t have such an  experience with any women. Then how??? I could not think much about it as she was talking my ears off. Are these prostitutes all good blabbers??? I could have suggested them another respectful job that demands fluency and vocabulary. Anyway, she was so happy meeting me. I would like to treat her as a princess like all men treat women like a princess only if they can be used as a prostitute.
                         Did she fall in love with me? I really doubted.  Or is this her real professionalism? I could not judge it as reality was the distance between me and her. Me too was sufficiently infatuated, attracted or better to say seduced. Suddenly she stopped as I noticed a deep breath with her eyes closed. Oh my god? Am I entering into more trouble?  Yes . It was. She asked me to say that three beautiful words. Although I failed to rule out what it is, she helped me to say what she wish to hear from me. I love you. I repeated what she told. "Did  all the prostitutes see the movie  Pretty women?"
When I said, she jumped and danced like a little girl. Its true that these type of girls are too aggressive. I hate it and uttered myself ‘ its better not to priorities anyone to whom you are just an option.’
Anyway, all my ethics were diluted by hormones came out of lust. I just obeyed it as she cried and bleed on bed.

It’s hard to explain how one falls in love with someone. Its hard to know the way how love comes. It may be from roadside, parks, beaches, classrooms, office and may be without even eyesight. Anyhow I am happy with her.its good to say , we are happy with each other.
Actually, You and me, our dirty and prejudice mind made my wife a prostitute. But she was not. She was my reader who was anxious and excited to meet me when we first met on streets. May be one of the best readers of mine. For ever.......